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Newbie

  • Jul. 4th, 2004 at 1:39 AM
bittersplendor: (Default)
first fic ever.

be gentle.

Title: Doors
Author: [livejournal.com profile] bittersplendor
Pairing(s): Harry/Draco
Rating: G
Summary/Quote: Harry fights for many things, and Draco’s not one of them.



Doors

Draco always wants his doors closed. It’s a simple compulsion, to hear that soft click of a lock, having something solid between him and everything else. It’s just something about them, they’re meant to be closed, otherwise what purpose do they serve? He can’t stand it when doors are left open, they’re like presenting an invitation, come in, and Draco most definitely does not like people coming in on his space, when he can just simply shut them out. It’s much easier to shut everything out.

+

Harry likes his doors open. There’s something about open doors that make him feel free, like he could get out anytime he wanted to, and no one can stop him. He can just run out, and it’s good knowing that there’s always a way out. Always a way out from everything he fears and anything that can harm him. Closed doors make him feel slightly restless, and Harry wonders if he’s a little claustrophobic. He sleeps with his back to the doors of his dorm.

+

They always have to knock. Draco has announced that to anyone who might want to see him. They should always knock before they enter, even if the door was left ajar, or wasn’t locked, but Draco made sure it always was. But you never know, and Draco was never one to take risks.

+

People come and go, and Harry lets them. Harry likes giving people choices, would never want them to be kept somewhere they don’t want to be in anyway. He likes his doors open, it’s like a choice, something that they can pick anytime. If they want to come in then they can, and if they don’t then they can pass it by. The cupboard under the stairs was always closed, and Harry is a good enough person not to let anyone feel that kind of entrapment.

+

Harry’s door is always open, and one night in the Charms classroom is no exception. Draco sees it, steps through, and watches until Harry notices. What are you doing here?, Harry’s voice isn’t angry, just curious. Draco doesn’t think he needs to answer that, because Harry notices all the time he watches anyway. So he just smiles and thinks that replying is too much of a risk, even if there isn’t anything at stake anymore, and leaves.

+

When Draco finds Harry at his doorway, without knocking, he’s surprised. Then he’s angry. The door is open, and Draco hates that. With a glare, Draco stands up from his chair and goes up to Harry to grab hold of the knob behind him, shut it closed. But Harry catches his arm, and kisses him. There isn’t the soft click of a lock, but Draco’s ears are pounding too loud to care.

+

Draco decides there’s nothing wrong if you take a risk and it turns out fine. He kissed Harry back, and it’s alright. He needs something good in his life, more than anything, right now. There’s a war, and everybody needs something to fight for.

+

Harry fights for many things, and Draco’s not one of them. Harry fights for his friends, and for freedom, and for himself. But Harry thinks that if you love someone, then you have to trust him enough to believe that he’ll be there at the end. Draco’s always been there, and he fights for things like revenge, and he once said he’d like to fight for Harry, but Harry only answers that he’s mad, and ravishes him as if saying that you’re mine, you don’t need to fight, you’re too beautiful to bleed. And Harry's been wrong countless times before, but with this he knows he's right. Draco isn't only worth fighting for, he thinks. He's worth dying for.

+

On the nights when the cold seems unbearable, and promises hang in the air like clouds waiting to burst, Draco sits by his bed and leaves the door open. The dungeons are cold, and maybe he’s a little scared, but promises are meant to be kept, and Draco has believed in far too much. He falls asleep after a while, and moments later Harry comes in and wraps himself around Draco in a most possessive way, whispers promises and even more promises, not forgetting to close the door behind him.

The soft click of a lock is heard in the deafening silence, and they’re the safest they’ve ever been.

finis

Comments

[identity profile] dementedsiren.livejournal.com wrote:
Jul. 3rd, 2004 11:18 am (UTC)
Am here from [livejournal.com profile] fic_fairy

Very very sweet, and it maked me ache while reading it. The different ways they find their comfort, and how it ends up working out is wonderful.

The only thing I'd suggest is that the lines And in the end, Harry finds out that he’s right, Draco isn’t just worth fighting for. Harry now has something worth dying for. be reworded just a bit. Its a very moving point in the fic, but the working on the "and in the..." sentence seems a bit off.

Other than that, beautifully done.
[identity profile] bittersplendor.livejournal.com wrote:
Jul. 3rd, 2004 08:18 pm (UTC)
Wow. thank you. I'm new at writing slash, and your comment was really helpful. i'm not sure if i changed that line well, and if it still doesn't work out, please tell me. I'll edit it again. :)

I hope you don't mind if i add you as my friend, because i have none yet. i know no one in real life who reads slash. which is sad.
[identity profile] dementedsiren.livejournal.com wrote:
Jul. 6th, 2004 07:24 am (UTC)
I hope you don't mind if i add you as my friend,

Nope, I don't mind at all - one of my favorite things about livejournal is that it allows people to go and friend based on interests and get to know other people.

which is sad
Yes, it is very sad - I have one real life friend who reads slash, but no one else... which is too bad... they just don't understand the boylove. ;)
[identity profile] failing-light.livejournal.com wrote:
Jul. 3rd, 2004 11:32 am (UTC)
Also here from [livejournal.com profile] fic_fairy.

Lovely. You do a wonderful job of alternating between viewpoints and I like the way you twist it at the end. I'm such a sucker for ambiguously angsty H/D :D

If this is your first effort, I can't wait to read more.
[identity profile] bittersplendor.livejournal.com wrote:
Jul. 3rd, 2004 08:21 pm (UTC)
thank you! your feedback makes me want to write more. :D

i hope you don't mind if i add you as my friend. :)
[identity profile] failing-light.livejournal.com wrote:
Jul. 4th, 2004 08:26 pm (UTC)
Write more, write more!

Have to encourage budding fic-writers with talent, oh yes. *nods vigorously*

Of course I don't mind if you friend me, and I shall promptly friend you back.

*goes to do it*
ext_14294: A redhead an a couple of cats. (Default)
[identity profile] ashkitty.livejournal.com wrote:
Jul. 3rd, 2004 01:17 pm (UTC)
Oh, that is lovely. The romance is so understated in favour of the psychology, which can be tricky sometimes if you just sit there and tell people things, but it works well here, because you never give the reader time to get bogged down before you've whirled away again to the next thing. Such prettiness and meaning in such very simple sentences...I love that. :)
[identity profile] bittersplendor.livejournal.com wrote:
Jul. 3rd, 2004 08:22 pm (UTC)
thank you so very much. being new to this means being new to getting feedback, and if i'd known it'd be this rewarding i'd have written things ages ago. thanks again, and i hope it's okay that i added you as my friend. :)
ext_14294: A redhead an a couple of cats. (Default)
[identity profile] ashkitty.livejournal.com wrote:
Jul. 3rd, 2004 11:41 pm (UTC)
Of course it is. Nice to meet you! :)
[identity profile] delacey.livejournal.com wrote:
Jul. 4th, 2004 04:54 am (UTC)
very well done. :)
Before I say anything else, let me echo everyone else's comments. I really liked this piece, it's very well done. For a first fic, it's EXTREMELY well done (I can garuntee that I didn't do so well with my first fic. 0.o ).

That said, I'd like to offer a bit of constructive criticism for you to think about. Generally, when you're writing something, you're telling a story. And, generally speaking, when you're telling a story, it's already happened. Therefore, things should be written in past tanse. If you look at novels, I don't think I've seen one yet that's been written in present tense. This fic, being an exception, doesn't need it. it works very well as present tense, because it's not exactly a story...it's more a series of thoughts or feelings, and it's very cool. (And I was a little startled to find that i loved it, since i usually don't get past the first paragraph when it's done in present tense...you're gifted. ;) )However, if you ever consider a longer story, with an intricate plot, consider writting it in past tense. it'll help the flow along as well as being easier for you to write and your readers to understand.

*hugs* Please, take this advice in the spirit that it's meant and don't be offended!! I mean nothing but the best! *read as "I wish someone had cared enough about my fanfic when I first started to tell me that it was confusing and strange to read"* ;)

Oh, and one more thing...of course getting feedback is rewarding! :-D People are reading something that you've put out for consumption. It's like an extension of yourself, a tiny bit of your heart and soul. Compliments make you glow and flames hurt like a sonofab*tch. May you never receive a flame (or, if you have to, receive one in a public forum where your loyal readers can pounce on the person and force-feed them vomit flavored Bertie Bott's!!!)

Hugs,
TW

PS: I lied. NOW it's one more thing. Would you be willing to let me archive this and your future fiction on my webarchive, The Bottom of the Bottle (http://members.fortunecity.com/bottomofthebottle)? I wouldn't suggest trying the link, because, at the moment, there's nothing there. My husband has yet to upload anything, which is probably because we don't have a single fic linked up, though we have a whole bunch formatted...go figure. EIther way, that's the site, there's the link, pretty please? *bats eyelashes* ~TW
[identity profile] bittersplendor.livejournal.com wrote:
Jul. 5th, 2004 02:18 am (UTC)
Re: very well done. :)
Wow, again. Thanks so much! I’m not offended at all, and it’s really great that you made a long feedback for me to read. I really need all the help I can get, and your constructive criticism was really… helpful. Sorry, I can’t help being redundant sometimes. I also have this fear of long stories, with lots of chapters, because I tried writing some stuff before and it went nowhere, and if it did, well, where it went wasn’t a very nice place….But I have this idea for a story now though, but I’m not sure if I’ll be starting it anytime soon. I’ve tried formatting it and things, but I think I’ll go practice first. :)

And of course you can archive my future fiction! I have to say I am very, very flattered that you want to archive what I write. :) I had such a sucky day at school, then I went to the library to check my account, saw your comment, and smiled the rest of the day. :D thanks for caring enough to do this at all, and I hope to read some of your stuff as well! Oh. I am friending you, I hope you don’t mind. :)
[identity profile] twenty-seconds.livejournal.com wrote:
Jul. 6th, 2004 07:13 pm (UTC)
So...I'm crap at feedback, and you've already got some better than any I could give, but I just had to leave a few words to tell you I really, really enjoyed this. It was lovely. Thank you for sharing it. :)
[identity profile] bittersplendor.livejournal.com wrote:
Jul. 7th, 2004 02:14 am (UTC)
thank you so much! any feedback is a pleasure to read. thank you for leaving one. :)
[identity profile] bittersplendor.livejournal.com wrote:
Jul. 7th, 2004 02:17 am (UTC)
and i friended you, i hope it's okay. :)
[identity profile] twenty-seconds.livejournal.com wrote:
Jul. 7th, 2004 07:06 pm (UTC)
Absolutely! It's always nice to meet new friends. ;)
[identity profile] bungee.livejournal.com wrote:
Jul. 9th, 2004 09:29 pm (UTC)
This was just lovely. I love the contrasting between Draco and Harry, and the actual theme of the fic itself ...very innovative. It's nice to read something a little different, especially when it comes to Harry/Draco. :)

Also, I wanted to say that I have to disagree with the person who commented above about the use of tense in writing. I think that it's important to never confine yourself to one tense or another - if you are comfortable writing a tense, use it! It's true that a lot of people don't like reading present tense fiction, because they can find it confusing, but there are many readers who enjoy it (myself included). It's refreshing to read something that breaks from the typical novel format of everything third-person past-tense.

So if you're comfortable using present tense (which you obviously are), do it. ;)
[identity profile] bittersplendor.livejournal.com wrote:
Jul. 9th, 2004 10:08 pm (UTC)
thank you. :) i am comfortable with the present tense, yes, but i'm also a fan of variety, so i guess i'll be using what tense i'm happy with at which moments.

am very grateful for your feedback, and i hope it's alright if i friend you. i'm only just starting out, and i'd like to make as much friends as possible. :D
[identity profile] bungee.livejournal.com wrote:
Jul. 9th, 2004 10:17 pm (UTC)
Variety is the spice of life, of course. :) I've gone really off the wall a few times and written in second-person present-tense, which really messes with people's minds. Hee.

Certainly. You'll find most of my posts to be a healthy (or unhealthy, depending on how you look at it ^^) mix of Harry Potter and Lord of the Rings, with a few other interests thrown in. I do try to cater to all audiences. :)
[identity profile] littlearsonist.livejournal.com wrote:
Jul. 11th, 2004 02:18 pm (UTC)
Draco sits by his bed and leaves the door open. The dungeons are cold, and maybe he’s a little scared, but promises are meant to be kept, and Draco has believed in far too much.

I'm not sure why, but that part is my favorite. I can just picture that part. And the 'promises are made to be kept' is just so nice. Well done.
[identity profile] bittersplendor.livejournal.com wrote:
Jul. 11th, 2004 02:31 pm (UTC)
thank you. :)
[identity profile] januarylight.livejournal.com wrote:
Jul. 12th, 2004 02:33 pm (UTC)
I'm so with Draco on the doors. Harry's views make me kind of scared. I can really see him feeling like that, though. It's a wonderful bit of characterisation. The last paragraph just makes me ache, and I can't tell whether it's from happiness or pain. A bit of both, I think.
[identity profile] bittersplendor.livejournal.com wrote:
Jul. 12th, 2004 10:16 pm (UTC)
The last paragraph just makes me ache, and I can't tell whether it's from happiness or pain. A bit of both, I think.

for some reason, i like that i evoked that reaction. :)

and yeah, my personal view on doors is exactly like draco's. that's how i came to write it in the first place. :D
[identity profile] kisho.livejournal.com wrote:
Jul. 21st, 2004 01:54 am (UTC)
*because I friended you (hope you don't mind) and I'm scouring your journal*

I'm no good with feedback, but, here goes, anyway.

This piece was exquisite. I loved Draco's take on doors. You've captured Draco's 'soft' side perfectly and there are few people who can get away with that. Great job!
[identity profile] bittersplendor.livejournal.com wrote:
Jul. 21st, 2004 02:11 pm (UTC)
thank you so much! any feedback is good for me! ;D

and i don't mind at all! i'll friend you back right now :)
[identity profile] danbi.livejournal.com wrote:
Jul. 28th, 2004 03:18 am (UTC)
You're really good at contrasting characters. I like the way you described Draco as needed that click of the lock - I don't know why but it just resonated with me.

Good stuff.
[identity profile] bittersplendor.livejournal.com wrote:
Jul. 28th, 2004 06:53 am (UTC)
thank you :)
[identity profile] bluerose16.livejournal.com wrote:
Aug. 26th, 2004 11:04 pm (UTC)
Hello, I have gotten here via thysanotus.

Wonderful fic. I mean, I would consider this a wonderful fic coming from someone who had written a bazillion horrible ones in their deep dark past. BUT, as this is your first fic, it is EXTRAORDINARY!

The way you compare their personalities is succinct, simple, matter-of-fact, and I loved it. The first part hooked my in - probably because I am like Draco in that I cannot STAND having doors open around me. I will close and lock any door that I can around me, it's almost a phobia, really.

The characters were dead on, the writing was superb - I cannot compliment you too highly for this. Excellent job, I look forward to reading some other things by you (Fringe Lily (http://www.livejournal.com/users/thysanotus/) recc'ed you on her lj).
[identity profile] bittersplendor.livejournal.com wrote:
Aug. 27th, 2004 03:18 am (UTC)
wow. thank you so much. it's really great that i get feedback like yours, because though i don't want to write only for the sake of feedback, it's still nice when people comment and tell me i've done a relatively good job. again, thank you very much, and i appreciate you looking forward to reading more of my... er... stuff. ;)
[identity profile] bluerose16.livejournal.com wrote:
Aug. 27th, 2004 02:25 pm (UTC)
^____^ My pleasure, really. I write, too, and know how it is with the hungry feedback elf (distant cousin of the typo elf who comes and makes nice people type things like 'dirivitive' and 'ahve'). XD
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